Just give me the freaking pen!
by AkaneSukishima
Summary: Itachi needs to write something down, but can't find his ,"Oh very special", special pen. Deidara won't give it back so Itachi has to go to the store to get another pen. Let's see if he actually makes it to the store without making it a death expirience.


**JUST GIVE ME THE FREAKING PEN!!**

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**im.osem: Hi people! This is a random idea I had a while ago, and I decided to post it.**

**Deidara: Why would I, un?**

**im.osem; Ssshhhhh! don't tell everyone what the story's about! Idiot… can't you keep your mouth shut?**

**Deidara: Hey, un!**

**im.osem: I don't.**

**Deidara: thank god... un...**

**im.osem: Shut up and listen. I do not own Naruto, wish I did. I own my pants though :D**

**Deidara: …**

**We did not need to know that, you know, un…**

**im.osem: Your in this story, so just shut up and be in it... okay?! Or else I will make **your **pants mine.**

**Deidara: Freaking spaz, un... I'm glad she doesn't own me... un**

**im.osem: Hey! enough babbling she-man! Let's start the fic.**

* * *

Deidara looked up.

"What d'you want, un?" He snapped when he saw a blank face.

"I left my pen in here." The voice drawled, emotionless.

"Well, make it quick, un." The blonde nin turned away, scowling.

"..." Silence.

"Well, un?"

"..." The stoic Uchiha reached out to grab a blue pen laying on the corner of the artist's desk.

The girly-looking man considered this action for a second, then reached out and stopped Itachi's arm. "No, you have to earn it back, un."

"What?" He considered the clay bombers face. What is this retard planning? He asked himself.

"Uh uh, No pen until you be my slave for two hours, un." Retard repeated, pronouncing every word loudly and clearly.

"Hn." Was the Sharingan user's only response.

"I take that as a yes, un!" The blonde jumped up, clapping his hands together. "Um... what should I make you do first, un...?"

He contemplated the other Akatsuki member, taking in the full image.

Itachi stood there, defiance almost tangible in the air around him. His usually blank features held the largest, darkest scowl possible on his porcelain-white face. This colour was not unusual for the shinobi. Ever since his clan was-- wait, he didn't want to think about that. His scowl deepened, only to go unnoticed by the now rummaging Deidara.

"Found it, un!" Came a muffled reply a few seconds after he had leapt into one of his many closets.

"Hn." the raven-haired 19-year-old grunted, crossing his arms making his appearance look even more disgruntled.

"... NO!"

The clay bomber dropped what he was holding. He looked at the fuming Itachi Uchiha.

"Was that you, un?" the one visible blue eye on his face widened in fear.

The hair covering his other eye stood on end, revealing his other eye, or silver scope which he put over his eye for night vision.

"Yes, and no, I'm **not** wearing the piece of crap you call clothing that you were previously holding!" An exasperated Uchiha left the room, returning to his stoic self.

"You'll never get your pen back!** HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA**!! Un!!"

"I don't care, I'll ask Kakuzu for some money to buy another one." The ninja called over his shoulder.

As he sped down the hallway, he looked for Kakuzu's room. Up ahead, he could hear the end of an argument between Hidan and Kakuzu.

"Shit! You are such a fucking money hog, you know that, shit-dip!? Money hog! **MONEY HOG!!**" Hidan bellowed right in Kakuzu's poor ear.

"Shhhhuuuuuuuut uuuuuuup you Jashin-obsessed freak! You are even weirder that that those guys who dess-up like veggies in the supermarket!" Kakuzu groaned annoyed, wondering how much it would cost to get his ear checked.

"Whatever, seriously." Hidan grumbled, walking off.

"Hn."

"What is it, Itachi?" Kakuzu turned around, glaring. "You made me lose count of that money on my desk, you--"

"Shut up and give me two bucks to buy a new pen."

"Wha...?" The falls nin looked at the man standing in his doorway.

"Give me two dollars. I need to buy a pen. Deidara won't give me mine back. Hand it over, Kakuzu," The stoic man held out his hand, tapping his toe lightly.

"Fine, fine... just leave me alone afterwards..." He mumbled, forking over the cash.

"Hn." the Konoha ninja sped down the hallway, intent on leaving this mad-house ASAP.

He took h is eyes from the floor for a second to check the amount of money. 1.00... 1.50? That cheep little--

**BOOF!**

He hit the floor, an orange and black blur had just passed him, tripping him in the process.

"Itachi-san, Itachi-san! Tobi's so sorry! Itachi-san, here let Tobi help you up, poor Itachi-san!"

"Shut up Tobi. I'm fine. And stop talking in third person. It freaks me out." He stood up, glared at Tobi, then remembered.

"That stupid Kakuzu didn't give me enough, fuck him! Tobi, do you have fifty cents you can lend me?"

"Fifty cent's? Here Itachi-san, Tobi knows the lyrics too!"

A C.D was held up in his face.

"Tobi, not Fifty Cent the artist, I mean 0.50." Itachi sighed, drawing the numbers in the air with his finger.

Tobi followed Itachi's finger with his head, literally.

"Tobi doesn't see anything-" the masked man started.

"Never mind, I just remembered... I have fifty cents in my room. Go away, Tobi."

"Itachi-san likes Fifty Cent too?! Tobi didn't know Itachi-san liked good-boy's music!" His orange mask was a little too close for comfort. So the dark-haired man did what only he could do.

He jammed his two fingers into the masked man's forehead-er-mask.

Tobi went flying into the opposite wall. He slid to the floor, his hands over his face.

"Owwwww... Hey that wasn't that hard actually!" He moaned, before passing out.

"Tobi? Itachi? What's going on here?"

"Yeah, what did you do this time, Tobi..."

A person-erm-plant stepped into the hallway.

"Zetsu, do you have fifty cents? That cheep little retard Kakuzu only gave me 1.00."

The Uchiha stated his case to the multiple personalitied plant man.

"Yeah, right here." A polite voice came from Zetsu

.

"Whatever the fuck…" A lower and much ruder voice spat, coming from the same man, er, plant? Oh fuck it, you know what I mean.

"Hn," the Sharingan user dashed off, leaving a confused Zetsu to deal with the unconscious Tobi.

Finally maybe he could escape and get this stupid pen...

"Itachi." A sharp yelp to his right. He spun round, his shoes making little sparks.

"What?" he snapped, his patience wearing dangerously thin.

"Itachi, get me that light switch turned on." A red-haired puppet sat under a mound of wood and what looked to be long white sticks of ivory.

"What light switch, Sasori?" The rave-haired Uchiha growled, giving the puppet a cold stare.

"That one over there, you know I hate waiting… so hurry up." The red head demanded.

"Hn." Itachi cursed under his breath as he stepped towards the lights.

"Thank you." Sasori mumbled, paying more attention to the new wooden puppet he was creating.

Finally, the red-eyed Itachi Uchiha could finally get a freaking blue pen!

At the door, he reached for the doorknob, then a huge flash of silver and it was blocked.

"Mangekyo Sha--"

"No, Itachi, its me, Kisame, and you need to tell me if I look like a fish."

"What?" Itachi looked shocked.

Then he held back a laugh.

"Yes you do. You have freaking gills on your cheeks, huge pointed teeth, and to top that off, blue hair and skin for god's sake."

"Oh... uh.. thanks... uh.." Kisame looked a little hurt to say the least.

"

Get Samahada out of the way so I can go buy a freaking pen!" Itachi bellowed.

Silence

"Hurry it up, or we're having shark-fin soup for supper!"

Kisame quickly removed his sword, mouthing the words "Sorry, spaz" just enough so Itachi could see, then ran off so he couldn't do anything about it.

As he stepped outside, he let out a frustrated sigh. Konan, the only female member of the Akatsuki was sweeping the front patio and had completely forgotten that she'd left the broom wedged so that no one could get out or in.

"Konan, can you get this damn broom out of the way?!" Itachi called out.

"Sure, hold on!" A muffled shout was heard, then Konan emerged from the garage, which had a door on the patio.

"Why didn't you remove it yourself, Itachi-san?" She inquired, bringing her arm down on the center of the broom.

"Remember the last time I did that...?" He sighed.

Flashback

"I'm going to sweep the front patio!" Konan yelled.

"Hn." Itachi replied.

"Okay," and "yup" and "whateva, seriously, just don't fucking make loud noises" were heard through out the hide-out.

A few minutes later, Itachi stepped out onto the deck, and noticed the broom blocking his way outside.

It's only a broom, he though, pulling out his katana. He raised the sharp sword and brought it down on the broom.

"ITACHI! YOUR DEAD! YOU BROKE THE ONLY BROOM IN TE HIDE-OUT! OH MY GOD, YOU KNOW HOW MUCH LEADER'S UNDERWARE **SMELLS**?!"

And Konan beated the shit out of him.

End of Flashback

"Oh, yeah... sorry about that... that must've hurt." Konan smiled apologetically.

"Hn, I can't help it if you are an annoying little girl." he snapped, as she hit him with the broom for bringing that up.

"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY!!" She yelled, no... bellowed after him.

"I'M TELLING THE LEADER! YOU'RE SCREW, MAN! **SCEWED**!" Konan yelled after him again.

She was referring to the current leader of the Akatsuki organization.

He had fucking loads of piercings, it was a wonder he could still hold his head up straight much less even walk or leap through trees with the metal thingies stuck in his face like that. Every morning he would wake weight himself, and weight 5kg more than his real weight because of them.

But this was regular Akatsuki lifestyle, and he wasn't sure he could live without all of his comrades there, annoying the crap out of themselves. Now, **that's** life.


End file.
